As the Year of Luigi draws to a close in just twenty days, I’m sure we all find ourselves reflecting. Reflecting on what we accomplished with the time of Luigi we’ve been given, how our circumstances of Luigi have changed, and where in Luigi we hope to be in the future. This seems the perfect time to rate Luigi’s most faithful steed, the Yoshi.
The Yoshi has a great tongue. It’s a better tongue than you’ll ever have. It’s long and sticky and can grab stuff at a distance, even big living stuff. Koopa Troopa steal your parking spot? If you’re the Yoshi, you can just straight up eat him. No jury in the land would convict you.
Once the Yoshi has swallowed something like a Koopa Troopa, it lays an egg, which it throws around as weapons. It is seriously, seriously messed up.
In all the animal kingdom, only the Yoshi is known to be born with its own natural saddle, which encourages all manner of people to ride it. It normally doesn’t mind this, but would like to be consulted first.
Number of legs
The Yoshi is proficient at even more sports than the dog (normally the golden standard for animal diversity in sports performance). There is little overlap, however – primarily because the Yoshi swallows any frisbee it catches. It is a capable athlete in each of the following sports:
- Kart racing
- Soccer (or as the Yoshi calls it, “football”)
Mario Wiki Talk Page Theater
“Tell me no or yes. It’s facts! I mean, does Yoshi have cancer all the time? No! New article, or new section?”
What if it fought a bear?
Use the floating platforms on either side of the room to get above the bear when it stomps. From there you can jump on its head. Repeat twice, and beware of when the bear puts on its spike hat.
Is it noble?
The Yoshi is already a terrific animal, and then you add that it comes in whatever color you want, like a dang car?
That’s the icing on the cake. Except actual cakes know how eggs work.