Tag Archives: self-destructive

Ouroboros

And that’s why I give the ouroboros a rating of…

 

2.5/10

 

 

[1]He recorded a song with the same title shortly after.

 

Ouroboros

“Will it go round in circles?”

Billy Preston asked that question in 1971.[1] The answer: yes. The subject: the ouroboros.

derp

Look at this dingus.

Other questions remain. For example, will it fly high like a bird up in the sky? Undetermined.

Special powers

The ouroboros can reach all the way around to put its own tail in its mouth. That’s actually, like, its whole thing. It is constantly devouring its own dumb body, like an idiot. A hungry, hungry idiot.

Weaknesses

The local kids are always playing hoop and stick with it.

It is not agreed whether the ouroboros is a dragon or snake or very long dog, but if it is a dragon, it would only roast its own tail with fire.

It repeats the same mistakes over and over again.

Number of legs

Debatable. Some say four, others zero. When asked directly, the ouroboros is coy.

Celebrity birthdays

The ouroboros shares a birthday with…

  • He Hate Me, of XFL fame

  • Al Gore, of Futurama fame

  • Kendall Jenner, of fame

What if it fought a bear?

It can’t fight the bear until it stops fighting itself, you know what I mean?

Is it noble?

No.

Final rating

Its whole thing is eating its own dang tail. That’s not much of a thing. The pro of being flexible does not counterbalance the con of self-destruction.

And that’s why I give the ouroboros a rating of…

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