Tag Archives: red-handed tamarin

Red-handed tamarin

Red-handed tamarin

Because the red-handed tamarin has gold hands, it is also known as the golden-handed tamarin.

You can see why.

You can see why.

Because of its ability to turn everything it touches into gold, it is also known as the Midas tamarin.

Special powers

The red-handed tamarin turns everything it touches into gold. It is the richest, loneliest monkey.

It is an extremely nimble climber, strong jumper and wise counselor.

The locust pictured above got very good advice in the moment before it died a golden death.

The locust pictured above got very good advice in the moment before it died a golden death.

Weaknesses

It turns everything it touches into gold. You can’t eat gold. And neither can the red-handed tamarin. An unpaid intern feeds it smoothies every day to a) keep the red-handed tamarin alive and b) have more experience on her résumé. Some critics say the red-handed tamarin should just eat things with gold silverware[1], but the red-handed tamarin has blocked them all on Twitter.

Number of legs

Four.

Celebrity birthdays

The red-handed tamarin shares a birthday with…

  • Ian Craig Marsh, who convinced his bandmates in The Human League not to name themselves The Definitely Not Sentient Plants Bunch.

  • Emily Cranston, developer of the Rally’s “You Gotta Eat” campaign, which was the second draft of her original slogan pitch “It’s Better Than Starving!”

  • Spuds MacKenzie, the original party animal.

Potent quotables

“Major League is a slam dunk!” – the tamarin’s review of the 1989 film Major League

What if it fought a bear?

One touch and the red-handed tamarin has a new bear statue.

Is it noble?

No.

Final rating

Don’t touch the red-handed tamarin.

 

 

2.5/10

 

 

[1]Goldware.

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