Sometimes you want an alligator, but you don’t want, like, a WHOLE alligator, you know what I mean? For times like that, there’s a smaller, sportier model: the caiman.
It has been described by a RapGenius editor as “dripping Swagu (an attempt to tie swag to high-end aspirational brand Ragu).”
The caiman has a poor fashion sense, especially compared to its otherwise nerdy cousin the gharial.
Number of legs
Favorite video game
What if it fought a bear?
The caiman claims to be a pacifist, but is actually a coward.
Is it noble?
I know up there I framed being a smaller substitute for the alligator as a good thing. But the caiman just doesn’t satisfy. You’re just gonna need another in a couple hours; you know what I mean? Plus, it usually hates the capybara, and an enemy of the capybara is an enemy of this blog.