Tag Archives: polar bear

Polar bear

Polar bear

There is a proud[citation needed] history of Olympic mascots, and the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia, have continued it. While previous years have featured such animals as the sasquatch, the unblinking camera controlled by the state, and the Izzy, this year the Olympic spirit is represented by a trio of animals – the snow hare, the snow leopard, and the polar bear (considered by many to be the snowiest of the bears).

Sochi Olympics polar bear

I can just hear the John Williams music.

Special powers

The polar bear has a layer of blubber, thick coat, and dense underfur to protect it from the cold of its Arctic home. It has an extensive puffy vest collection as well, but that’s strictly for fashion.

It is one of the largest land carnivores in the world. Larger even than that huge guy you swear you saw the last two times you were at the local all-you-can-eat buffet and it’s like what’s up does he just live there or what? Unlike that guy, the polar bear is an expert swimmer.

Weaknesses

The polar bear is hooked on coke.

goes nuts for the stuff

It loves it.

Its other great weakness is the secret it holds – that it is just a brown bear that got painted white. But don’t tell anybody that, and certainly don’t tell them you heard it from me.

Number of legs

Four.

Insightful Wikipedia quote

Was it in Crash Bandicoot 2: Cortex Strikes Back?

Yes. If you had read the Wikipedia quote, you would know that.

Favorite video game

Crash Bandicoot 2: Cortex Strikes Back.

What if it fought a bear?

It is a bear.

Is it noble?

Yes.

Final rating

I feel bad I told you the polar bear’s secret. Please don’t blackmail it. It doesn’t deserve that. It has enough problems already, because of The Environment. Oh, and I didn’t mention this before, but it rocks a pretty sweet look.

polar bears looking good

Looking good.

 

 

10/10

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