Tag Archives: pocket monsters

Skink

Skink

If it looks like a lizard, walks like a lizard, sounds like a lizard, and kisses like a lizard, it might be a skink.

five-lined skink

I don’t know, man.

At any rate, it is the foremost purveyor of dancing to ska music.

Special powers

The skink can ditch its tail if need be, and it doesn’t need a hundred and twenty-seven whole hours to do it.

Weaknesses

The skink can be a real stinker.

blue-tongued skink

How rude!

Also, it released a super-weak Harlem Shake video about three weeks too late.

Number of legs

Between four and zero.

Varieties

There are so very many sorts of skinks. Some of the highlights include…

Mole skink: The moleman equivalent of standard skinks.

Four-toed Earless skink: This skink has four toes and no ears.

Desert lidless skink: This desert-dwelling skink refuses to wear hats.

Gilbert’s skink: Despite the title, this skink really belongs to Derrick. Gilbert is a liar and a skink-thief.

Blotched blue-tongued skink: A brutish mook, willing to sell its talents to the highest bidder.

Mount Cooper striped lerista: Claims to have invented Tinder and been “Zuckerberged to hell.”

Fire skink: First of the elemental skinks.

Southern water skink: Another elemental skink, cool but rude.

Southern grass skink: The most reluctant and peaceful of the elemental skinks.

Ghost-type skink: It’s super effective!

Prickly skink: Don’t believe the hype. This skink is a real sweetheart underneath it all.

Florida sand skink: The Scary Spice of being the Scooby-Dum of skinks.

Chernov’s skink: Its parents pressured this skink to become a dancer, but it dreams of getting its real estate license.

Chekhov’s skink: If a skink is introduced in the first act, it will dance by the end of the third act.

Terror skink: This skink has unusual teeth which suggest that unlike most skinks, the terror skink feeds exclusively on more… substantial prey. Only one terror skink has been seen since 1876, and that sighting was in 2003. Where are the others, then? Where have they been hiding? What have they seen of us? What dark secrets of ours do they hold, and what are they waiting for?

terror skink

Maybe there’s one in that room with you right now.

Wikipedia’s Talk Page Has Had Enough Talk

“Bla Bla Bla, guys. I have a skink in my backyard, and I will take a real picture of it.”

What if it fought a bear?

If all approximately 1500 skinks fought the bear, assuming proper rest times between matches, they would go 487-1006-7.

Is it noble?

No.

Final rating

I fear what the terror skink has planned for us when it returns. And I have no time for its cohort’s dance stylings.

 

2/10

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