Tag Archives: Love Shack

Rock lobster

Rock lobster

Today’s animal is inescapably connected to a famous B-52s song. That’s right; I speak of none other than that proprietor of the Love Shack, the rock lobster! It is so named because it really rocks on a Stratocaster. Of course, it is also a lobster made of rocks[1], but that’s just a coincidence.

ROCK LOBSTER!

The rock lobster: surprisingly lifelike!

Special powers

While its exterior is made of solid rock,[1] the rock lobster has a heart made of gold.

Furthermore, it can navigate its ocean habitat by detecting Earth’s magnetic field. Most animals just, like look around or smell or whatever, but the rock lobster can be kind of ostentatious.

Weaknesses

Being made of gold actually makes it very difficult for the rock lobster’s heart to work properly.

Number of legs

Eight plus two claws.

Drink of choice

When going out, it prefers to mix one part ameretto, one part white crème de cacao and one part Baileys Irish Cream into a concoction which the rock lobster calls a “human.” When staying at home, it will knock back a couple ‘Stones.[1]

Professions

As I mentioned, the rock lobster owns and operates the Love Shack. It doesn’t do a terribly good job, though. Consider the poor condition of the business’s sign and said sign’s distance from what it’s advertising – which brings up the issue of the Shack’s less-than-ideal location. Due to the rock lobster’s policies, only non-fool clientele who care to drive miles upon miles and knock extremely hard on the establishment’s door can enter. That is, frankly, a niche audience from which to extract jukebox money.

What if it fought a bear?

It’s a bad idea to bite into hard mineral.[2] But these two are more likely to work together to bash a salmon to death. The bear finds it delicious; the rock lobster just enjoys the thrill of murder.

Is it noble?

No.

Final rating

Truly, just as Kate Pierson and Cindy Wilson sang, the rock lobster can roam if it wants to.

 

4/10

 

 

 

[1]They’re minerals, Marie!

[2]Was that so hard?

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