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Goblin shark

Goblin shark

When a shark and a goblin love each other very much, they contract a mad scientist to create an unholy hybrid known as the goblin shark.

add me to your five! :^{}

This is its MySpace picture.

Special powers

The goblin shark’s mouth is a horrifying nightmare weapon, filled with crazy teeth and able to leap forward and snatch prey.

noooooo

No no no no no no no

It is a real good swimmer.

Weaknesses

The goblin shark is weak against exosuit cargo-loaders. It used to have vulnerabilities to torches and pitchforks, but it has since removed those flaws.

Number of legs

None.

Favorite video game

It has eaten four separate copies of Ecco the Dolphin.

Celebrity birthdays

As the goblin shark was not literally born, the goblin shark does not have a birthday per se. But on the day its body was given animation, these celebrities were born by natural means:

  • Bruce Willis, an American actor who portrayed Unbreakable in the film Unbreakable

  • The Panda’s Accomplice, an athlete in the Chinese Basketball Association

  • Jimmie “The Beast” Foxx, the baseball player who first realized he could double his chances of hitting pitches by using two bats

What if it fought a bear?

The bear eschews most advanced technology, including exosuit cargo-loaders. The goblin shark would defeat it.

Is it noble?

Half.

Final rating

The goblin shark’s goblin half may – may – be balanced by its shark side. But as a creation of mad science, it has no soul. Its MySpace bio makes that much clear.

 

 

2.5/10

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