Tag Archives: caiman

Caiman

Caiman

Sometimes you want an alligator, but you don’t want, like, a WHOLE alligator, you know what I mean? For times like that, there’s a smaller, sportier model: the caiman.

dwarf caiman

There’s more of it under the water. Not too much though.

Special powers

It has been described by a RapGenius editor as “dripping Swagu (an attempt to tie swag to high-end aspirational brand Ragu).”

Weaknesses

The caiman has a poor fashion sense, especially compared to its otherwise nerdy cousin the gharial.

This slayed at Paris.

A hat made of your own young? Now that’s sartorial creativity!
(Photo by Udayan Rao Pawar)

Number of legs

Four.

Favorite video game

Glover.

What if it fought a bear?

The caiman claims to be a pacifist, but is actually a coward.

Is it noble?

No.

Final rating

I know up there I framed being a smaller substitute for the alligator as a good thing. But the caiman just doesn’t satisfy. You’re just gonna need another in a couple hours; you know what I mean? Plus, it usually hates the capybara, and an enemy of the capybara is an enemy of this blog.

 

 

3/10

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