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Fruit bat

Fruit bat

Not as spooky as most other bats, the fruit bat is the perfect entry point into the order Chiroptera for beginners.

Special powers

It has the usual bat powers: flight, hanging upside-down from stuff. The fruit bat also has a tongue so long that when it’s not in use, most of it has to be stored in a pocket dimension within the fruit bat’s innards.

nyaaaaa

The fruit bat is part krampus.

It’s smart enough to eat fruit instead of bugs, a decision I’m sure most of us would agree with.

Weaknesses

The fruit bat feels a burning need to compose and publish comments on pornographic internet videos.

Despite there being 160 species of fruit bat, it lives exclusively in the Old World.[1] First off, that’s the past, man, and second, it’s just never been to Disney World? Euro Disney doesn’t count.

The fruit bat has no tail. It also lacks the facial skin folds that aid in echolocation in other bats. Fortunately, fruit is easier prey than insects.[2]

Number of legs

Two, plus wings.

Aliases

The fruit bat is also known as the megabat and flying fox. One of these names is inaccurate and the other seems braggy.

Celebrity birthdays

The fruit bat shares a birthday with…

  • Barenaked Ladies frontman Ed Robertson. An earlier version of the line “I’m the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral” was “I’m the kind of guy who cries at a child’s birthday party,” which itself was a replacement for the original line “I am like an opposites guy.”

  • The Premier League footballer known only as “¡Philip!

  • Kel Kimble, the man on whom the Nickelodeon character was based, as of 2000 tragically dead of a soda overdose.

What if it fought a bear?

Two animals or fruits enter. One animal or fruit leaves.

It doesn’t always win fights against fruit.

Is it noble?

Yes.

Final rating

“Megabat” may be braggy, but it’s not far off.

 

 

9/10

 

[1]There are bats that eat fruit in the New World, but they are from a different suborder. Don’t get it twisted.

[2]Hence the comparatively very low sales of fruit swatters.

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