There are many wasps in this world. The hornet does not seem at first blush to be a remarkable one. But that’s because the first time you’re blushing at it, you don’t yet know about its successful restaurant business.
The hornet is a very successful restauranteur. Below are just a few of the signature menu items at the hornet’s restaurant, sqüeeze.
Clams A l’Orange
Octopus Hearts A Cappella
Braised Duckling Feet in Bernaise Madoff
Chicken Finger and Pork Wing Platter
Chowder of the Day
Deep-fried Pork Belly Sliders
Honey-smoked Nacho Zingers
Pan-seared Orlando Salmon Flip-floppers
Beer-soaked Tequila Balls
Sierra Nevada Battered Tilapia Cones
Re-pickled Goose Butt in Udon Alfredo
Goat‘s Nodes a la Larry King
Barbecue Onion Nublets in a Cider Glaze
The Rabbit‘s Gambit
Chef’s Trio (pigeon, robin, and gerbil hog-tied to the railroad by a fiendish rogue with a list of demands)
Chicken-Fired Travel Cup Gravy Guzzler
Desultory Land Mussels In An Air Salt, Rock Salt, and Fire Salt Embalming
Sun-Dried Filet of Stork Leather On A Bed of Bone Marrow Salsa
Surf ‘n’ Turf (Angus steak and a skewer of Collin shrimp, with Steve potatoes prepared your way)
Turf ‘n’ Surf (our classic Surf ‘n’ Turf, in reverse)
East Virginia Brisket Splinters Drizzled With Hyper-Butter
Crisis on Infinite Turfs
Tarragon-Dashed Brussels Sprout Pockets Parmaggiano
Fair Trade Techno-Organic Cyber-Salad
Decanted Reducted Infused Disembodied Thai Peanut Un-Vapor
Slip-off-the-bone™ Rybz: An Authentic Simulacrum Sprinkled With Bacon-Inspired Protein Krunches®
Genuine World-Famous Sink Chunks
Wasabi Rice Sorbet With One Fist-Sized Almond On Top
Barrel-aged Vanilla Mint Session
Vanilla-crusted Cedar Plank Barrel (serves 20)
Crème Braise Frisson Brulet Fraîche
Fudge-Sized Personal Pan Cereal-Style Marshmallow
LA KISS Presents Terminal Cancer By Chocolate
2012 Mad Australian Cabernet: A patois of plum and reveille, with notes of fetid armories.
2005 Bitches’ Gumbo Red: The wine of an illiterate, served in the commemorative Yoda cup of an imbecile.
2011 Chateau du Monde: A generous flim-flam, reconstituted and coronated for a new generation.
2009 Latverian Riesling: Supple with the piquant brine of a beloved janitor’s lanyard. A revelation for the trained mustache palate.
2008 Art Brut White: Connoisseurs of Grandmother’s dustiest cupboard will detect a hypothesis of marsh jewels.
2011 Grandeur Merlot: A tickle from a consumption-stricken youth born into wealth, followed by an afterthought of shame.
2008 Pellegrino: Heightens the senses, unseats the powerful, walks on the ceiling.
2001 Fellini White: The cast of J*A*G spits in your mouth.
2004 Greble Chardonnay: A resplendent slurry of false memories of vegetables that never were. Finish of Game of Thrones spoilers.
2002 Really Nice Wine: A really nice wine.
The hornet is vulnerable to gasoline, napalm, dynamite, and missiles. This is not a comprehensive list.
The hornet can be physically destroyed.
Number of legs
Do I own a Beanie Baby of it?
What if it fought a bear?
As there are no honey-based disagreements between the hornet and bear, they have no quarrel.
Is it noble?
I know people like the hornet’s restaurant, but I just don’t get it. Sorry.