Category Archives: birds

Flycatcher

Flycatcher

The flycatcher is not just one bird. It comprises numerous birds, which can be divided roughly into two warring factions – those who follow the monarch flycatcher and those who follow the tyrant flycatcher – as well as the third party silky-flycatchers and legendary fairy flycatchers.

Special powers

It can catch the fly.

The fairy flycatchers are said to grant wishes to the pure of heart, given sufficient audience applause and “fairy dust.”[1]

Weaknesses

PCP, mostly.

fairy flycatcher - rare, magical, druggie

So high.

Number of legs

Two, plus wings.

Notable followers of the Monarch

The disciples of the monarch flycatcher mostly have names which seem to have been made up on the spot shortly before a hard deadline. They include:

African Blue Flycatcher

White-tailed Monarch

Little Yellow Flycatcher

Black-winged Monarch

Black-backed Monarch

Black-chinned Monarch

Black-and-white Monarch

Black-faced Monarch[2]

Cerulean Paradise Flycatcher

Buff-bellied Monarch[3]

Shrikebill

Hooded Monarch[4]

Restless Flycatcher[5]

Notable followers of the Tyrant

The adherents of the tyrant flycatcher’s ideology have generally more fearsome titles. They include:

Great Shrike-Tyrant

Great Kiskadee

Cinnamon Flycatcher[6]

Sulphury Flycatcher[7]

Black-capped Pygmy Tyrant

Piratic Flycatcher[8]

Flammulated Flycatcher[9]

Drab Water Tyrant

Cattle Tyrant

Many-colored Rush Tyrant

Streamer-tailed Tyrant[10]

Scissor-tailed Tyrant[11]

Fork-tailed Tyrant[12]

Northern Beardless Tyrannulet

Eastern Wood Pewee

Agile Tit-Tyrant

What if it fought a bear?

The bear has no respect for the flycatcher’s hierarchy.

Is it noble?

No.

Final rating

Agile Tit-Tyrant.

#AgileTitTyrant

 
 

9/10

 
 
 

[1]PCP.

[2]The most offensive flycatcher of all.

[3]The first bird to appear shirtless on the cover of Flex Magazine.

[4]This mysterious stranger never removes its mask. Can it be trusted?

[5]If you thought the fairy flycatchers loved PCP, wait until you see this one.

[6]The most delicious flycatcher.

[7]The least delicious flycatcher.

[8]This flycatcher isn’t in it for your war.

[9]You think it’s all hype? You think this flycatcher isn’t flammulated? Think again, bub.

[10]Its streamer tail makes it the most festive of all flycatchers.

[11]Its scissor tail is a powerful weapon against all but the rock-tailed flycatcher.

[12]Its spoon-shaped tail is a persistent source of disappointment for its parents.

Tagged , , , , , ,

Woodpecker

Woodpecker

Wood won’t peck itself. Fortunately, when there’s wood that needs pecking, there’s the woodpecker to do it.

"nut all woodpeckers"

Two, even.

The woodpecker felt that birds weren’t getting maximum use from trees by utilizing only the exterior. It invented the “lifehack” of pecking one’s way into the creamy, grub-filled interior of a tree. It didn’t stop there. It is continually posting on the Internet new advice for how the reading public can better live their lives. What follows are just a few of the woodpecker’s tips, in its own words.

  • See the other side of your hammer? LIFEHACK: Use that bad boy to take nails back out!

  • Tired of buying new mugs? LIFEHACK: With a little water and soap, you can reuse a mug six, even seven times!

  • LIFEHACK: Every DVD tray doubles as a display base for your novelty snake-filled-peanut-brittle-can.

  • Running low on shampoo? LIFEHACK: Wash your hands with soap instead of shampoo.

  • When you drive forward, you use up gas. LIFEHACK: Drive backwards and get your gas back! It’s called reverse and most cars don’t even hide it.

  • LIFEHACK: A backscratcher is just a fork for plates that aren’t within reach.

  • Do your hands become a disgusting mess when you eat barbecue ribs? LIFEHACK: Your precious fingers need never be soiled once you hire a personal butler to hand feed you!

  • Need to shave but you don’t have a razor? LIFEHACK: Carefully aim a pistol to shoot the hair right off your problem area!

  • Out of pepper? LIFEHACK: Salt and black food coloring will do in a “pinch.”

  • LIFEHACK: You’ll find while driving that one lane of traffic is generally quicker. In some cultures, this is the left. In others, it’s the right. Identify the correct one through observation.

  • Need to talk to somebody far away quickly? LIFEHACK: Use a telephone! ADVANCED LIFEHACK: Use a mobile telephone.

  • Hand stuck in the jelly jar but you’re too scared to break the glass? LIFEHACK: Suck it up and get to bleeding, you baby.

  • Tired of the same old boring ramen noodles? You can instantly class them up. Just add ½ cup diced green onions, fresh shrimp (peeled, deveined, and chopped), ¼ cup carrots (peeled & diced), 1/3 cup diced mushrooms, 16 ounces of bean sprouts, and chopped bok choy to taste. To really be at the top of your ramen game, you may need to purchase a higher-end, organic noodle, which will run you around US$5 a pack. Boom, LIFEHACK, the perfect ramen for just twenty-nine dollars and one to two hours of prep time, depending on your proximity to a specialty Asian grocery.

  • Boring movie?

    LIFEHACK: This button lets you jump forward quickly through a dull stretch to get to the good stuff!

    LIFEHACK: This button lets you jump forward quickly through a dull stretch to get to the good stuff!

  • Make your own Christmas ornaments out of popcorn balls, string, googley eyes and scalding hot glue. It’s not any quicker than using a store-bought ornament but LIFEHACK you grow closer to your family.

  • Don’t you just hate all those crumbled up chip specks at the bottom of the bag? What a waste! Well guess what you can just tilt the bag and suck them up like a common beast. LIFEHACK.

  • Have a nasty splinter? Pour some lemon juice over the affected area. LIFEHACK: You no longer fear death.

Special powers

The woodpecker has a long tongue, strong beak, and is immune to concussions despite years in its amateur rugby league.

It also has zygodactyl feet, which is a fancy way of saying it has two forward toes and two backward toes – the perfect set-up for grabbing onto tree-shaped objects such as trees.

Weaknesses

The woodpecker has something of a confused identity. Sometimes it’s a little bit country. Sometimes it’s a little bit rock ‘n’ roll. Sometimes it’s a little bit Donny and Marie Osmond.

lineated woodpecker

Sometimes it’s a little bit punk.

Number of legs

Two, plus wings.

Dirtiest sounding species name

The hairy woodpecker.

What if it fought a bear?

It can punch holes in trees. Now what’s harder, a tree or a bear? That’s right, a bear. Bear wins.

Is it noble?

Yes.

Final rating

When I saw when the woodpecker had done this…

cocktail

That’s not what easy means, you moron.

…I wanted to hack its life into pieces.

.

.

3.5/10

Tagged , , , , , ,

Flamingo

Flamingo

The flamingo: It’s not just a lawn ornament any more!

pink plastic flamingo

I mean, it’s still a lawn ornament. But it’s a bird too now.

In both statue and animal form, the flamingo enjoys nothing more than standing on one leg and tucking the other away. Not even Jenga. And it loves Jenga.

Special powers

It’s good at Jenga.

Like the rock pigeon, the flamingo produces crop milk. Flamingo crop milk is even more potent than the pigeon variety. It’s available only in secret backrooms of Tunisian hookah bars, where it is sold to those for whom gambling and opiates have lost their thrill.

Weaknesses

Sometimes it is a lawn ornament.

Number of legs

Two. Wings are also involved.

Diet

The flamingo gains its distinctive pink color from feeding on algae, brine shrimp and a certain flavor of lemonade (blue raspberry). If, for some reason, it changes its diet, the flamingo’s color will change accordingly. Consult this handy chart.

Color                                   Diet

Pink                                      Algae, brine shrimp, blue raspberry lemonade

Yellow                                   Popcorn shrimp, kale, pink lemonade

Silver                                    Spinach, beef, red wine

Navy blue                              Baconator with Arby’s Sauce, sweet potato fries and Baja Blast[1]

Turquoise                              Tangerines

Tangerine                              Olives

Olive                                     Mangos

Black                                    Dark matter

Orange w/ black stripes          N/A. Not a flamingo. May be a tiger.

flamingo

Does it look like this? Or does it look like a big stripey cat?

What if it fought a bear?

The bear is mighty, but might will not give it the ability to kill a lawn ornament. That remains impossible.

Is it noble?

Yes.

Final rating

The flamingo will never die. Flamingo forever. Forever and ever the flamingo.

 

9/10

 

 

[1]#Supperjumpin

Tagged , , , ,

Potoo

Potoo

There’s considerable hubbub right now over what a weird word “hubbub” is. I mean, look at it. Hubbub. Hubbub. Hubbub.

There’s also been some talk about Jimmy Fallon taking over The Tonight Show this week from its previous host, a golem controlled by the sorcerer Jay Leno. Meanwhile, Jimmy Fallon’s old gig will be handled starting next week by Seth, Egyptian god of storms, chaos, and weekend updates. We humans are not the only ones with late night entertainment. The premier late night program produced by and for animals is hosted by this week’s animal: the potoo.

potoo

Heeeeeere’s Potoo!

Special powers

As a nocturnal bird, the potoo was a natural fit for host of The Nightly Hour Starring Romeo Johanssen.[1] Its only real struggle early on was to fight off its natural instinct to camouflage itself to the set – especially its own desk.

The potoo’s band leader/sidekick/consummate hypeman the howler monkey is also on hand to laugh at things that exist. It has no sense of humor of its own ever since the accident, but it laughs on cue like nobody’s business. This is crucial to its effectiveness because…

Weaknesses

…the potoo’s jokes are terrible. Just terrible. It can make some funny faces, but you eventually get used to all of those if you watch the show much at all.

potoo

Seen it.

Which reminds me; its eyes are huge. It’s great for seeing in the dark, but they are huge targets. The potoo took a real beating in its Three Stooges tribute episode. Under doctor’s orders, it had to do the whole next night blindfolded and flew directly into a stand-up bass.

In the late ’80s, the network moved The Nightly Hour Starring Romeo Johanssen back forty minutes to give a fresh young talent the nightjar a spotlight. The potoo entered a deep depression when this happened. Despite the popularity of its host as a performer in other respects, the nightjar’s program, “Jar!”, crashed and burned in the ratings. Soon enough, the potoo was restored to prominence. Some suspected collusion, as ratings in the South American rain forest are just numbers that the howler monkey shouts at the top of its lungs each morning at ten.

Number of legs

Two, plus wings.

What if it fought a bear?

The potoo’s go-to move is to sit still and look like a branch. This has little effect as the bear has no moral nor nutritional qualms about eating a branch.

Is it noble?

No.

Final rating

In the words of the potoo, “Hey, remember Monica Lewinsky?” The howler monkey’s response to this was “Ohhhhh!” This happened in the year 2014 A.D.

 

5/10

 

 

[1]The potoo changed its stage name to something more “Hollywood” after it turned out there was already a potoo in the guild.

Tagged , , , , , ,

Mexican free-tailed bat

Mexican free-tailed bat

Today’s animal has a tail that demands to be free. From south of the border, it’s the Mexican free-tailed bat.

Mexican free-tailed bat

Myxican batiful dark twistailed freetasy.

Special powers

There can be millions of these things in just one cave. Think about that in your nightmares tonight, people who fear bats and/or large numbers!

The Mexican free-tailed bat is an expert at echolocation, which allows it to effortlessly find its way to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

Weaknesses

It loves to hang out in flammable spots.

Unlike certain other bats, it is not a dracula. While I applaud it for that, this means it doesn’t share in any of the special powers and benefits associated with being a dracula.

Number of legs

Two. Plus those wings though.

Military usage

During World War II, the United States army developed the bat bomb, which involved strapping bombs to bats and dropping them over enemy cities to flap their way into all the most flammable nooks and crannies. After the army accidentally set their own base on fire working on it, the research was transferred to the Navy under the name Project X-Ray. This was a clever codename, as the project to give a bat soldier X-ray-vision had a completely unrelated name (Project Burn Down Our Own Bases). The project was scrapped when America sobered up and remembered that it was literally the idea of Eleanor Roosevelt’s dentist friend.

Japan had its own program to rival America’s research by strapping bombs to their own native animal, the balloon.

balloon bomb

It’s tragic to see such a noble creature used to perpetuate violence.

Hobbies

Playing clarinet, sudoku, street racing, semi-professional Parcheesi.

#Relatable Wikipedia quote

“Mating can occur in an aggressive or passive form.”

What if it fought a bear?

The result depends on if the Mexican free-tailed bat is aggressive or passive that day.

Is it noble?

Yes.

Final rating

You maniacs. You blew it up. All because a dentist said you should. The Mexican free-tailed bat deserves better.

 

 

8.5/10

Tagged , , , , , , ,

Bluebird

Bluebird

Speaking in a manner of introduction, I’d like to say my name is Randall and I am the traditional writer of this site Nathan’s younger cousin. My mom says writing guest posts will help me get better at writing essays for school. Today I will be writing to review the bluebird.

The great musical artist Drake once said, you never know what you got ’til it’s gone. In this time of the year which is Christmas time of the year, the bluebird is gone away, which makes this the perfect time to know what we got in terms of the bluebird.

Eastern Bluebird

This is a picture of what the bluebird looks like.

Special powers

I know I did this once already, but I still do not understand these dumb categories my cousin made up for this web site. In my personal own opinion, I do not think that the bluebird has any special powers even at all. It just flies around and builds a home out of a nest.

Weaknesses

The bluebird is one of the most boring of animals, even of birds, who are usually boring animals but this is not always true also. For instance, an example is the falcon, which is totally awesome and could beat up any bluebird[1]. You can insult a bluebird and you won’t get in trouble, unlike if you do the same thing to Meaghan H. or Captain Ruffles.[2] Therefore and herewithin, according to the transition property, a bluebird is less protected than either of them and both of them are drags, so what does that tell you about the bluebird.

Number of legs

Birds don’t have legs. Wait, I guess they do actually. Never mind.

Diet

The bluebird likes to eat insects and berries. This is extremely gross, and disgusting.

What if it fought a bear?

I saw the bluebird while I was out in the woods with my dad. I asked him if we would see any bears and he said to be quiet, he was concentrating. The second time I asked he said there were no bears there. So we can draw the conclusion that the bluebird has never met a bear.

Is it noble?

No.

Final rating

I hope I have demonstrated in the points demonstrated above that my writing is very fine for essays in any subject, including one as lame as the bluebird. In fact, I will soon meet the word count I was asked to

 

 

This is all he wrote. I asked Randall what rating he gave the bluebird and he held up a very specific finger on each hand. I will take that to mean a

 

2/10

 

 

 

[1]It doesn’t matter if it’s a really strong bluebird because the strongest a bluebird can be is still weak compared to a falcon or John Cena.

[2]Randall’s family’s dog. – Nathan

Tagged , , , , , ,

Magellanic penguin

Magellanic penguin

The media likes to portray penguins in a very skewed way that perpetuates the classic stereotypes. But there is a much greater diversity among penguins than you’d be led to believe watching the all-Emperor penguin casts of March of the Penguins or F*R*I*E*N*D*S. Take for example the Magellanic penguin.

He's coming right at us

Here comes a special boy.

Unlike your average penguin, the Magellanic penguin likes to burrow into the ground for shelter, making it the moleman of the penguin world. I bet that doesn’t fit in the narrow little box you put all penguins in. Heck, the Magellanic penguin doesn’t even live in Antarctica.[1]

Special powers

The Magellanic penguin can dig burrows. It can swim. It’s great at going down.

Weaknesses

It’s just not very good at going up, given its unbirdlike lack of flight.

Also, it does a lot of unnecessary online shopping it probably shouldn’t.

Number of legs

Two.

Mating behavior

According to Wikipedia, “Magellanic Penguins mate with the same partner year after year. The male reclaims his burrow from the previous year and waits to reconnect with his female partner. The females are able to recognize their mates through their call alone.” Magellanic penguins were the number one market for ringback tones in 2012.[2]

Notable accomplishments

When it’s not hiding out in its burrow, spending time with its soulmate, or catching tasty fish, the Magellanic penguin does some telecommuting work as a script doctor. Hollywood producers once turned to it to punch up the dialogue in scenes involving a prominent Batman villain – Mr. Freeze.

sneaky sneaky sneak

Look at this guy, trying to be taller. Just wear pumps like the rest of us, bub.

Here are some examples of classic lines we all know and love from Batman & Robin that were written by the Magellanic penguin:

  • MR. FREEZE: There’s no business like snow business!
  • MR. FREEZE: Sweet dreams are made of freeze!
  • MR. FREEZE: What killed the dinosaurs? Scientists have several theories.
  • BATGIRL: Those targeting mirrors are frozen; the thawing beam won’t work.
  • MR. FREEZE: I hate the Heat Miser; he is awful. He can not treat the Snow Miser like this. I hate him with my life.
  • BRUCE WAYNE: That’s right, Dick. I want them so much I can taste it.
  • BATMAN: Autobots, roll out!
  • GOSSIP GERTY: Some men aren’t looking for anything logical, like money. They can’t be bought, bullied, reasoned, or argued with. Some men just want to watch the world freeze.
  • MR. FREEZE: Looks like I’ve struck… cold!
  • BATMAN: The difference between you and me is I’m wearin’ hockey skates!
  • MR. FREEZE: Frostbitten, ice shy!

What if it fought a bear?

Quite surprisingly, the Magellanic penguin would win handily. I can’t explain it.

Is it noble?

Yes.

Final rating

I like the Magellanic penguin. It defies the usual expectations for penguins, who already defy the usual expectations for birds. Plus, he provided some crucial edits of great scripts (and a couple stinkers, but hey, they can’t all be Batman & Robin).

 

8.5/10

 

 

 

[1]It lives in the Falkland Islands and the southest coasts of South America. It once took a cruise to Trinidad and Tobago. It liked Trinidad but had such a bad time in Tobago it swore off travel forever. It was also upset there were no burrows available to stay in on the cruise ship.

[2]Remember that hot minute in the mid-’00s when rappers got real concerned about ringtones? That seems weird in retrospect. Unrelated to the Magellanic penguin. Probably. You decide.

Tagged , , , , , ,

Old World vulture

Old World vulture

As I lay here dying at the top of a Tibetan mountain, abandoned here like a twisted version of jhator, the ritual sky burial practiced here, I find myself reflecting on the Old World vulture.

Indian vulture

I also reflect on the blood leaking fast from my extensive wounds.

If you don’t know much about sky burial, the whole idea is that a body is given up to the vulture in the sky rather than a box in the ground. However, it is usually done with bodies that are already dead. That is not the case with me today. While perfectly viable for corpses, I – as a still living person – am finding it extraordinarily painful.

Special powers

If you provoke or frighten the Old World vulture, it will vomit on you. That’s what we in the business call a power move. I tried to struggle more at first, before my strength had deserted me, which is why I am covered in defensive vomit now. The Old World vulture’s remarkably powerful stomach acid, capable of killing most any disease, is having quite the corrosive effect on my open wounds.

The Old World vulture also pees on itself to cool down and stay clean. Is there any bodily fluid it can’t find a use for?

Weaknesses

It’s got a big ol’ bald head. The Old World vulture insists that this is a benefit that allows it to keep its feathers clean as it thrusts its head deep into my flesh. “C’mon, bro,” I gurgle through the blood filling my mouth. “Nobody’s buying it, baldie.”

Number of legs

Two.

Vocalizations

Unlike many birds, the vulture has no song. Intermittent grunts and hisses are the soundtrack to my slow, slow demise. This is my death song.

Magazine subscriptions

Time, Life, Mile, Mite, File, Flight, Milf, Better Homes and Gardens.

What if it fought a bear?

It is hard to tell as my vision grows gray and dull.

Is it noble?

Yes.

Final rating

I plead with my last breaths to the vulture king to end my suffering. If he knows mercy, I may live to rate again. Until I see evidence of such mercy, I must rate the vulture a…

 

 

1/10

Would not die by again.

 

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

Stilt

Stilt

The stilt is a legfreak.

stilt

These legs go aaaaalll the way up, in stark contrast to Rayman.

Now let me be clear. It is not the Legfreak (Usain Bolt). No, the stilt is but a simple circus performer. The paying public comes from far and wide to witness its bizarrely long legs and the wonders they can do.[1]

Special powers

Well, obviously, there’s the leg. And nearly as important, the other leg.

Unlike many birds who stand on long legs (looking at you, ostrich), the stilt can still fly.

Weaknesses

The stilt is one of the top three easiest birds to knock over.[2]

Every year, around the time of Seagull Pride Week, someone mistakes the stilt for a member of the parade.

Number of legs

Two.

Favorite video game

Blinx: The Time Sweeper.

What if it fought a bear?

The stilt would elude the bear by a convoluted course of near Rube Goldbergian complexity.

stilt leaving a trail

Though a relatively simple example, notice the randomly wandering path akin to Billy from Family Circus. “Circus?” See a connection?

Is it noble?

Yes.

Final rating

Not my favorite act at the circus, but there’s much worse. And what is up with those “peanuts” anyway? You’re not fooling anyone, circus. You’ve never had a peanut in your life. Please, circus, can you just tell the truth? We’re not mad at you for not knowing what a peanut is. We’re just concerned.

 

5/10

 

 

 

[1]For example: Tap dance.

[2]The three are agreed on, but their exact order is a subject of much debate amongst animal-tipping enthusiasts.

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

Hummingbird

Hummingbird

You’ve likely met this week’s animal – you may even have fed it. It is that tiny avian the hummingbird. And by “tiny,” I mean “teeny tiny.” The bee hummingbird is the absolute smallest of all birds at 5 centimeters[1] long. Small though it may be, it is very prominent in the animal game – and for good reason, as we’ll see.

Special powers

The hummingbird can’t just fly; it even hovers. It can flit about in any direction it cares to, like gravity ain’t even no thing.

also, who needs legs?

It’s like, “Physics? Pffft.”

It accomplishes these feats of flight by flapping its wings incredibly fast – sometimes as fast as 80 wingbeats a second. Try doing anything even 40 times a second. Not so easy, huh? Well the hummingbird’s wings are twice as fast as that thing you couldn’t come close to doing. I bet you feel the fool now for doubting its impressiveness.

Also, in one species, laser breath.

Weaknesses

The hummingbird is constantly near death by starvation. Its quick little body burns up the fuel in its food so quickly that the hummingbird basically lives its life stuffing its face just to keep enough in the tank to get by. Its abysmal economy of energy is why the Hummer was named for this creature.

Number of legs

Two, barely.

Diet

The hummingbird eats up to 12 times own weight in nectar every day. To supplement all that sugar-water as part of this balanced breakfast, the hummingbird also dines on the occasional soft insect or spider.

YYUUMMMMM

A group of hummingbirds gather at the local watering nectaring hole.

Varieties

There are numerous species of hummingbird, each described by a different adjective. Just a sampling of these species follows:

  • ruby-throated
  • blue-throated
  • pepperoni-throated
  • normal-throated
  • giant
  • sassy
  • sensitive
  • fiery-tailed
  • sword-billed
  • laser-breathed
  • machine-gun-toed
  • Rufous
  • Anna’s
  • toxic
  • Allen’s
  • eloquent
  • cowardly
  • broad-tailed
  • tooth-billed
  • buff-bellied
  • black-chinned
  • bug-eyed
  • stiff-legged
  • spotty-lipped
  • worm-headed
  • hallelujah
  • holy —-
  • where’s the Tylenol

These, and the many other hummingbirds not named above, are all divided into nine warring clans:

  • the hermits, who keep mostly to themselves, biding their time for the others to kill each other off.
  • the mangoes, most laid-back of all the clans. Their house sigil is the Jimmy Buffett: Songs You Know By Heart cover.
  • the giant hummingbird, who pledges allegiance to no other.
  • the coquettes, immortal, wisest, and fairest of all hummingbirds, who were gifted three of the Rings of Power.
  • the mountain-gems, miners by trade and Hatfields by marriage. They have an especially bloody feud with the emeralds.
  • the bees, so small. So impossibly small.
  • the brilliants, whose name was given to them ironically some time around their leader’s sixth year of high school.
  • the topazes and jacobins, who formed an alliance in the earliest years of the Hummingbird Wars. Their consolidated might makes them the most landed of all the clans.
  • the emeralds, who spend most of their time plotting against the mountain-gems or Sonic the Hedgehog.

For centuries, these houses have clashed. Though it is currently something of a cold war, it is only a matter of time before conflict flares up again.

hummingbird at peace

The din of war has quieted to a… hum.

Wikipedia’s Talk Page Asks

“Does anyone know if hummingbirds can be or have been eaten? I bet they are succulent. Couldn’t find any infos on the world wide web.”

What if it fought a bear?

As if hummingbird would stop fighting hummingbird long enough to fight the bear. If it did find the time, when’s it going to eat? We’re probably looking at one hungry hummingbird and one victorious bear.

Is it noble?

No.

Final rating

Do you hear that? That low, almost imperceptible, constant hum? THE HUM – is it the work of the hummingbird, as its name suggests?[2] THE HUM wants you to know it can hear you too. THE HUM is the best listener you will ever know. Tell THE HUM your problems. Give over to it all your troubles, all your concerns, all your hopes, all your dreams. Give THE HUM your self. THE HUM must feed; it must always… feed.

HHHHUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

 

8/10

 

 

 

 

[1]Or about two inches, if you don’t speak Metric.

[2]Yes, it is.

Tagged , , , , , ,