Flying squirrel

Flying squirrel

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Is it the flying squirrel? Yes, it is.

See?

See?

Special powers

The obvious thing is that it, unlike other squirrels, can glide through the air with the greatest of ease.

Weaknesses

I feel obligated to mention that, despite the name, the flying squirrel does not have true flight. It’s more subject to the winds and less able to make sharp turns or gain altitude in midair. This makes it an appealing target for surface-to-air missiles – at least, cute little squirrel-proportioned surface-to-air missiles. Awwww!

Number of legs

Four.

Varieties

There are many kinds of flying squirrel. These include:

  • The Japanese dwarf flying squirrel, whose huge pure black eyes have it straddling the line between adorable and monstrous

    The Japanese dwarf flying squirrel, whose huge pure black eyes have it straddling the line between adorable and monstrous

  • The woolly flying squirrel, which falls in love quickly and often

  • The red giant flying squirrel, the “red giant” of flying squirrels

  • The arrow flying squirrel, which can’t show up to any function without telling you in detail the exact route it took to get there

  • Rocky J. Squirrel, who wears a little hat

  • The Bhutan giant flying squirrel, who just kept growing and growing its tail as a joke and didn't realize until too late that it had gone too far

    The Bhutan giant flying squirrel, who just kept growing and growing its tail as a joke and didn’t realize until too late that it had gone too far

  • The lesser pygmy flying squirrel, the worst pygmy flying squirrel

  • The Kashmir flying squirrel, which is RIGHT BEHIND YOU! I’m just joshing. April fool’s.

  • The hairy-footed flying squirrel, which can be easily spotted by its hairy feet

Potent quotables

“I believe that, like me, the people behind these robberies are extreme athletes.” – the flying squirrel

What if it fought a bear?

Flight will not save this squirrel. Gliding certainly won’t.

Is it noble?

Yes.

Final rating

The fact that the flying squirrel even exists is wonderfully weird. It might seem on paper like an overly specific gimmick, and yet it has stood the test of time, unlike the snowboarding squirrel or water-skiing groundhog.[1]

 

 

9/10

 

 

 

[1]R.I.P.

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