John Dory

John Dory

Most animals don’t have human-style names. When they do, it’s often one a human gave them. And even then, it’s probably something like Snowball or Mayor Fuzzpants or Bella – names that very few humans actually have.

The John Dory is an exception.

It's like if somebody didn't play the fool sometimes.[1]

It’s like if somebody didn’t play the fool sometimes.[1]

Special powers

The John Dory has a name, social security number, and Ralphs card. It also has a false eye on the side of its body to trick predators and teachers who don’t know it’s really asleep.

Weaknesses

Its heavy plates slow it down.

The John Dory desperately wants to “go viral.” The only thing it has come up with toward this life goal is this image:

And what is .facebok?

This is the best it could come up with.

Number of legs

None.

Hollywood connections

You may not know that Zach Braff’s Scrubs character was loosely based on the John Dory.

What if it fought a bear?

The bear’s gonna fall for that fake-eye trick, I just know it.

Is it noble?

No.

Final rating

That “meme” is terrible, John Dory.

 

 

2.5/10

 

 

 

[1]That would never happen though. Bad example.

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