Iberian ribbed newt

Iberian ribbed newt

What’s your favorite ribbed newt? I bet a lot of you answered with the Iberian ribbed newt, one of the most popular ribbed newts ever. Sorry, contrarian/ironic Martian ribbed newt lovers! That animal sucks and is also not a real animal and instead just a thing I dreamed once!

I checked my totem.

Not a dream.

Special powers

When the Iberian ribbed newt is threatened or feels that it’s about to lose a board game, it coats itself in poison. That’s fine, of course, but it’s also something anyone with a bucket of poison can do.

What’s truly unique about the Iberian ribbed newt is that it literally juts its sharp ribs through its fleshy sides as makeshift stingers. When has one of those guys with a bucket of poison ever been willing and able to turn his own bones into stabbing weapons? They don’t have it in them. Prove me wrong, poison-bucket-carrying cowards! I defy you!

Weaknesses

The Iberian ribbed newt is poking holes in its own dang skin all the dang time, in part because it is so, so bad at board games.

Number of legs

Four.

Has it been to space?

Yes. The Soviets sought only the most courageous of animals to send into space, and a creature willing to stab itself from the inside out in order to fight is not a creature who knows much of fear.

The Iberian ribbed newt in pop culture

Because of its ability to poke its sharp bones out through its skin and regenerate from serious wounds, it served as the inspiration for the X-men’s Logan, also known as the uncanny Iberian Ribbed Newt!

What if it fought a bear?

The bear knows nothing of the self-sacrifice the Iberian ribbed newt is willing to go through, and that is why it cannot win.

Is it noble?

Yes.

Final rating

The Iberian ribbed newt is hardcore. Not at, like, Candyland and stuff. But in general.
 
 
 
8/10

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