The flamingo: It’s not just a lawn ornament any more!

pink plastic flamingo

I mean, it’s still a lawn ornament. But it’s a bird too now.

In both statue and animal form, the flamingo enjoys nothing more than standing on one leg and tucking the other away. Not even Jenga. And it loves Jenga.

Special powers

It’s good at Jenga.

Like the rock pigeon, the flamingo produces crop milk. Flamingo crop milk is even more potent than the pigeon variety. It’s available only in secret backrooms of Tunisian hookah bars, where it is sold to those for whom gambling and opiates have lost their thrill.


Sometimes it is a lawn ornament.

Number of legs

Two. Wings are also involved.


The flamingo gains its distinctive pink color from feeding on algae, brine shrimp and a certain flavor of lemonade (blue raspberry). If, for some reason, it changes its diet, the flamingo’s color will change accordingly. Consult this handy chart.

Color                                   Diet

Pink                                      Algae, brine shrimp, blue raspberry lemonade

Yellow                                   Popcorn shrimp, kale, pink lemonade

Silver                                    Spinach, beef, red wine

Navy blue                              Baconator with Arby’s Sauce, sweet potato fries and Baja Blast[1]

Turquoise                              Tangerines

Tangerine                              Olives

Olive                                     Mangos

Black                                    Dark matter

Orange w/ black stripes          N/A. Not a flamingo. May be a tiger.


Does it look like this? Or does it look like a big stripey cat?

What if it fought a bear?

The bear is mighty, but might will not give it the ability to kill a lawn ornament. That remains impossible.

Is it noble?


Final rating

The flamingo will never die. Flamingo forever. Forever and ever the flamingo.






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