Today’s animal may be a wood-boring beetle, but there’s nothing boring about– Nope. I hate that. Why did I spend days rehearsing that.
What I’m talking about is the ship-timber beetle. It loves nothing more than to chew through the wood of a great seafaring vessel. It clears out tunnels in the timber, giving air to fungi it likes to snack on. They’re like great partners, if one partner’s contribution consisted entirely of “being eaten by the other.”
It eats ships. And fungi, but anybody can do that. The ships take some doing.
The ship-timber beetle thinks primarily of itself. It loves to eat ships, but almost never asks the ship’s owner first if it’s okay. It should be said this is not entirely out of malice. The hunger for ship timber is a terrible burden, especially in 2013 when ships aren’t often made out of timber. The ship-timber beetle has tried just eating a house, but come on. That’s a termite move.
Number of legs
The ship-timber beetle ate its way through the Niña, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria. This stranded Christopher Columbus and his crew for quite some time, but they were saved by the invention by the Professor of entirely coconut-based ships, which held no interest for the ship-timber beetle.
The ship-timber beetle also won its company bowling tournament three years running.
The ship-timber beetle has tried on multiple occasions to dig into a ship in a bottle and been foiled by the glass every time.
Favorite video game
What if it fought a bear?
This would only be a fair fight against a wooden bear.
Is it noble?
The ship-timber beetle, once enemy of navies worldwide, has largely been defeated by advances in ship-manufacturing technology. You may wonder why it doesn’t just go straight to the source and eat trees. Well, why don’t you put down that glass of wine and chomp some grapes? That’s what I thought. Don’t ask stupid questions.
Sorry. I’m still grumpy about that crappy opening I wrote myself.
This arrangement was also true of a really bad law firm.
The Niña: Resurrection, the Pintwo, and the Son of Santa Maria