Never in the long and storied history of Rate Every Animal have I reviewed an animal more like you and me than the gorilla.

Sure there have been imitators, but the gorilla is genuinely genetically similar to mankind. They even live in troops led by males with silvery back hair, just like we do!


We can all identify with this.

Special powers

The gorilla is the biggest ape in the game. Others try to take the crown, but the gorilla holds it down.


The gorilla has unique fingerprints, which greatly reduces the gorilla’s capability for consequence-free crime. It’s not helped by a distinctive appearance pretty much any witness-sketch artist team can nail.

Number of legs

Two, but the arms kinda double as legs.

Notable gorillas

There have been a number of notable gorillas throughout history. These include:

  • Koko: This gorilla learned sign language and suddenly she couldn’t keep a dang secret.[1]
  • King Kong: The giant king of all apes, Kong became one of the wonders of the world by defeating the Hanging Gardens of Babylon in a cage match.
  • Donkey Kong: Rightful heir to the gorilla throne, DK has spurned noblesse oblige in favor of his true passion: hurling barrels.
  • Tarzan: Originally thought to be a human raised by apes, “Tarzan” was an elaborate prank played on Edgar Rice Burroughs by a gorilla in a human suit.
  • This baby gorilla: This baby gorilla is the finest thespian working today:


    “I knew him, Horatio.”

What if it fought a bear?

The gorilla fought Godzilla. The bear’s got nothing on it.

Is it noble?


Final rating

I’d like to know what’s up with the barrel fascination, but other than that the gorilla is a superb animal. It’s even a wonder of the world. When have you even been in consideration to be a wonder?

That’s what I thought.






[1]I trusted you, Koko.

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