I have a personal history with this week’s animal. It and I lived across the street from one another for most of my childhood. The animal in question is the peacock.

Unfortunately, my first-person insight into the peacock is fairly limited. It wasn’t a terribly forthcoming neighbor in terms of talking about itself. It would gladly talk your ear off about the weekend’s new movies and which exactly had “boffo B.O.” but it offered precious few details of its own life.[1]

Special powers

I have established earlier in this blog that psychic powers are granted those animals with third eyes. Consider then, the dozens of eyes in the peacock’s tail and you will begin to understand just how massively powerful its psionic abilities are.

the peacock has many eyes and they are ever watchful

Already it sees your mind. Aaaaand… yep. You looked too long. It owns your brain now.

In addition to being a world-class telepath, the peacock is a high-ranking film and television executive. This might not seem like much of a special power, but can YOU greenlight a Chris Pine romantic comedy just to win an argument with a coworker?[2]

The peacock’s favorite projects to produce are high concept films. Incidentally, there’s some confusion about what exactly constitutes a “high concept” movie. Allow me to explain. They’re called high concept because they’re the kind of thing a high person would come up with, like “what if a dog played basketball” or “I bet Abe Lincoln would be the best at killing vampires” or “they should totally make a sequel to Donnie Darko.”


The peacock has a reputation in the entertainment industry for its projects coming in a day late and a dollar over budget. But honestly, one day and one dollar? That’s not that bad. That’s pretty easy to adjust for.

Furthermore, it has committed the sin of pride. It has three separate Instagram accounts and once spent two hours and nineteen minutes in a hall of mirrors.

Number of legs

Two. Also wings.

Peafowl terminology

Technically speaking, only a male is known as a peacock. A female is known as a peahen. A child is known as a peawee. A non-working male who exists only to reproduce is known as a peadrone. An adolescent fighter is known as a peaweight. An elder, washed up fighter is known as a peabull. One of my neighbors was known as Al.

What if it fought a bear?

The bear’s mental defenses are not particularly strong. The peacock could make the bear its puppet.

Is it noble?


Final rating

Its film record is pretty mixed. It’s awfully full of itself. And all that loud meowing seems unnecessarily mean and better left to the mockingbird. On the other hand, it is quite pretty and its psychic powers blow everyone else out of the proverbial water. CORRECTION. IT IS EXTREMELY PRETTY. UNDOUBTEDLY THE PRETTIEST OF ALL THE BIRDS. ITS MOVIES ARE BRILLIANT AND IT IS NOT THE PEACOCK’S FAULT IF AUDIENCES CAN’T APPRECIATE OBLIVION. IT WORKS REALLY HARD, HUMANS.






[1]The other main thing it liked to say was “MEEEE-YOW! MEEEE-YOW!” which I take as a slam on the cat.

[2]Both the peacock and its colleague the lion recorded their own roars for their respective studios. The investors scrapped the peacock’s, however.

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