It would be simply boorish of me not to wish you a happy Halloween! Ghastly even! So, y’know, happy Halloween. Wrapping up a month of extra-ghoulish animal reviews we have this: the devil fish.
The devil fish is not to be confused with the fish devil, owner-operator of Fish Hell, who more closely resembles an old-timey diver who spends most of his free time having sex with a treasure chest.
Their only similarity is that they both draw power from the prince of darkness. While the fish devil uses its evil authority to torture wicked fish souls, the devil fish’s sinister abilities basically amount to flight.
Well, flight of course. And its spiny tail can be used as a weapon.
The devil fish is also a world-class poker player. It plays as its primary occupation, in fact, though its first love will always be auctioning off storage containers.
The devil fish is highly susceptible to paid programming. Just ask its storage container full of Fushigi balls.
It ranks at just three from the bottom of its fraternity’s all-time Halo leaderboard.
Number of legs
Its favorite fraternity brothers
The devil fish would like to thank the following fraternity brothers for their steadfast friendship:
3. Timmy D
9. Johnny Jorts
11. Fat Jake
19. Dr. Bongenstein, Ph.D
20. Shark Top
22. Pete 2
25. Nicky Time
27. The Edge
40. Medium Willy
41. Hot Sauce
43. Earl of Sandwich
44. Duke of Jager
45. Grand Wizard of Boning
60. Junior Jr.
63. Spa Dog
65. Turk Scrubsier
66. Junkyard Dan
72. His Eminence The Frosty One
79. The Arbiter
80. Jon Gosselin
What if it fought a bear?
If it had its best buds at its side, the bear would be completely overwhelmed.
Is it noble?
The devil fish is a real bro, and one with ties to the dark arts at that. It’s obnoxious to talk to, and saying the wrong thing might get your storage container cursed. On the other hand, if you need something slap chopped, it’s more than happy to help.