Devil fish

Devil fish

It would be simply boorish of me not to wish you a happy Halloween! Ghastly even! So, y’know, happy Halloween. Wrapping up a month of extra-ghoulish animal reviews we have this: the devil fish.

The devil fish is not to be confused with the fish devil, owner-operator of Fish Hell, who more closely resembles an old-timey diver who spends most of his free time having sex with a treasure chest.

same love

“Let’s do this.”

Their only similarity is that they both draw power from the prince of darkness. While the fish devil uses its evil authority to torture wicked fish souls, the devil fish’s sinister abilities basically amount to flight.

Special powers

Well, flight of course. And its spiny tail can be used as a weapon.

The devil fish is also a world-class poker player. It plays as its primary occupation, in fact, though its first love will always be auctioning off storage containers.

Weaknesses

The devil fish is highly susceptible to paid programming. Just ask its storage container full of Fushigi balls.

It ranks at just three from the bottom of its fraternity’s all-time Halo leaderboard.

devil fish

It has charged into close combat with a sniper rifle on multiple occasions.

Number of legs

Nope.

Its favorite fraternity brothers

The devil fish would like to thank the following fraternity brothers for their steadfast friendship:

1. Tyler
2. Buzz
3. Timmy D
4. DiNardo
5. D-Rack
6. Tre
7. Jonestown
8. Smitty
9. Johnny Jorts
10. Dumper
11. Fat Jake
12. Bebop
13. Rocksteady
14. Cortes
15. Kane
16. Spud
17. Badger
18. Goosedown
19. Dr. Bongenstein, Ph.D
20. Shark Top
21. Marconi
22. Pete 2
23. Flinch
24. Dragon
25. Nicky Time
26. Bono
27. The Edge
28. 3Pete
29. Jordo
30. Toner
31. Fluoride
32. Jhuven
33. Banksy
34. Partyman
35. Batdance
36. Troy
37. Julio
38. 4Pete
39. Gargoyle
40. Medium Willy
41. Hot Sauce
42. Kuko
43. Earl of Sandwich
44. Duke of Jager
45. Grand Wizard of Boning
46. Zac
47. Rizzo
48. Scooter
49. Beaker
50. Tyler
51. Gonzo
52. Zoooooom
53. T-800
54. Splift
55. Keithmaster
56. Cornsquat
57. Maizebutt
58. Rowlf
59. Spicoli
60. Junior Jr.
61. Zak
62. Quizz
63. Spa Dog
64. Merlin
65. Turk Scrubsier
66. Junkyard Dan
67. No-Shoes
68. Sleeves
69. Luis
70. Lungpunk
71. Tyler
72. His Eminence The Frosty One
73. Quint
74. Griffin
75. Toastman
76. SimCity
77. Weedle
78. K-PAX
79. The Arbiter
80. Jon Gosselin
and
81. Tyler

What if it fought a bear?

If it had its best buds at its side, the bear would be completely overwhelmed.

Is it noble?

No.

Final rating

The devil fish is a real bro, and one with ties to the dark arts at that. It’s obnoxious to talk to, and saying the wrong thing might get your storage container cursed. On the other hand, if you need something slap chopped, it’s more than happy to help.

 

3.5/10

Tagged , , , , ,

One thought on “Devil fish

  1. […] Angelfish. Tilapia. Narwhal. Hogfish. Literally any shark. And I’m biased, but my bro the devil fish. It’s like the old truism: There are plenty of fish in the […]

Comments are closed.