Goliath beetle

Goliath beetle

When people see the Goliath beetle and hear that it’s called the “Goliath beetle,” they usually assume it is named after famous Biblical figure Goliath Beetle, on account of both the beetle and the man having above-average size. They are partly right. The beetle is named after Goliath, but the size is coincidental. The connection is that both love(d) to fight.

Goliath

Goliath was one of the Bible’s most popular “heels,” after only Death, Satan, and Vince McMahon.

Special powers

In the violent, corrupt, convoluted world of insect fighting, the Goliath beetle has a few advantages. It of course uses its impressive size. It also has a two-pronged horn over its head which it can use as a crude weapon (or to open a bottle of its favorite drink, Orange Crush). And let’s not forget its signature finishing move, the Six-leg Slam-bang.

Weaknesses

Primarily slingshots and the hand of God.

It should also be noted that the Goliath beetle requires much more protein than other insects. If it doesn’t get its protein in the morning, don’t even try talking to it.

Number of legs

Six.

Professional relationships

The Goliath beetle has many rivals in the professional fighting world. It was great friends with Andre the Giant, for obvious reasons. Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat was its ally at first, until they split over creative differences.[1]

goliath beetle

Hard to work with?

The rhinoceros beetle loathes the Goliath beetle more than it loves its own family. Every match the Goliath beetle has with Manny Pacquiao is highly hyped, although the most recent one ended in considerable controversy when it turned into a game of Chinese checkers midway through. And like many noble fighters, the Goliath beetle has butted heads with Coldstone Austin Steve, the nemesis doppelganger and ice cream magnate.

What if it fought a bear?

Now that would be a heck of a bout. Vegas oddsmakers place the Goliath beetle at -200. Not bad.

Is it noble?

Yes.

Final rating

I don’t really go for all that blood sport, but if you’re going to be into it, you can do worse for a favorite participant than the Goliath beetle. Up until he fights Dennis the Menace or something.

Dennis (the menace to be specific)

Don’t be a Dennis.

 

7.5/10

 

 

 

[1]Steamboat wanted to jump from the ropes a lot; the Goliath beetle wanted to jump from the ropes even more.

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2 thoughts on “Goliath beetle

  1. alan carriero says:

    How do I contact someone to get permission to use an image on your site? Please contact me at aldacar1@att.net Thanks, Alan

  2. […] Ball, The Stilt Bug, Aldus the Larger-Than-Normal Mite, and The Literally Flying Pelluccis. The goliath beetle got its start in the flea circus lifting extremely heavy things like cup lids and […]

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