Huell Howser: Well hello, everybody; I’m Huell Howser!
HH: I’m here on a… what do you call this?
Nathan Cranor: A blog, Huell.
HH: A blog – now what’s that?
NC: It’s a… It’s an internet.
HH: And you and I are in it.
NC: Sure. Umm, hi, readers. Sorry about this. Huell stumbled in here with a microphone and just started doing his show here.
HH: My sense of direction isn’t at its best, folks. I’ve been very dizzy lately. But what is it you do here on this bloggernet?
NC: Today I rate the California condor.
NC: It’s not a dog. It’s a kind of vulture, and as such is subject to the rule of the vulture king.
HH: Amaazing! Now that is truly some of California’s Gold.
NC: You’ve got to leave.
HH: Does this dog eat avocados? I once met a dog who loved to eat avocados!
NC: The condor is a scavenger, feeding mostly on carrion, but occasionally will settle for checked luggage as well.
HH: Wwow! And if you can see here, this creature, whatever it is, is moving through the air…without moving its feet!
HH: You know, from up there, I bet it can see aaaall the way to beautiful San Bernardino, California.
NC: That’s it. Excuse me for a second, everybody.
…That’s better. Now, where was I? Ah, yes…
As covered in my bald eagle review, the California condor is a living piñata ready to burst with candy at the first hint of a bullet. So that’s a big one. It also suffers from the same baldness as that eagle, though it is not so ashamed of it. It should be though. It should be.
Number of legs
The California condor bizarrely thrives on dead and dying social media platforms. It is currently the most active and popular user on Friendster.
Loyalty to the vulture king
High to medium-high.
What if it fought a bear?
Is the bear dead? If so, it might have a fighting chance.
Is it noble?
The California condor does what it sets out to do, and does it with integrity. Consider that corpses are notoriously lazy; they’re not going to eat themselves. The California condor fills that role perfectly.
It can be a little “LA” though.
HH: That is amaazing!
NC: Gah! How many times do I have to shoot you in the head?!
HH: Now you say I have a “head?” Now what’s that?
Studio Audience: Laughter, applause
Executive Producer: Dick Wolf