Blanket octopus

Blanket octopus

When you see the blanket octopus, you could be forgiven for mistaking it for some kind of seafaring sentient kite.

blanket octopus

Not a kite.

Benjamin Franklin did. When a bolt of lightning gave him the ability to communicate with water-dwellers, he first sought out the friendship of the blanket octopus, thinking it some kind of magical new kite.* It didn’t work out between them, in part because Franklin was still quite lightning-mad in the immediate aftermath of his accident.

Special powers

It is invulnerable to the poison of the jellyfish’s cousin the man o’ war. As a result, the notoriously catty jellyfish family despise the blanket octopus.

The blanket octopus is also a skilled ventriloquist (see Male/female relations).

Weaknesses

The blanket octopus is one of the sea creatures most susceptible to becoming threadbare.

Number of legs

Eight.

Male/female relations

In an incredible case of sexual dimorphism, the female blanket octopus is about six and a half feet long whereas the male blanket octopus is actually an inch-long bit of cloth that the female operates like a puppet.

Athletic achievements

Though one might think the blanket octopus would be good at ribbon dancing, it did not even medal in the event in the Games of the XXIV Olympiad in Seoul. It did however get a bronze on the uneven bars. Some blame rhythmic gymnastics’ harsh French judge, who was a jellyfish.

What if it fought a bear?

Bears can be made into rugs. Blanket is the level at which the blanket octopus begins. Rugs always beat blankets on the rare occasions they fight. Advantage bear.

Is it noble?

Yes.

Final rating

The blanket octopus isn’t as comfy or airworthy as one might hope, but it’s really quite nice. Unlike the spiteful and ignorant denim jacket squid.

 

7.5/10

 

 

*Dude loved kites.

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