Scorpion

Scorpion

Guys, the scorpion is insane. Just look at this thing:

scorpion

Seriously, guys.

You may wonder from where such a creature could come. The answer is, of course, metal. An enterprising van artist and metal fan (named Randall) grew tired of his work being expressed mostly in the form of Ford Econolines. He hungered to create something that truly lived. And so the artist turned to mad science. The result was a hybrid of tarantula, lobster, and a wicked sweet venom-barbed tail. The original sketch also called for ram’s horns, bat wings, and an improbably large sword, but those proved unfeasible.

Special powers

Like the coolest BattleBots, the scorpion is brimming with weapons. There’s the claws up front, the venom-barbed tail in the back, and its launchable spear – which the scorpion loves to use in conjunction with its catchphrase “Get over here!”

Weaknesses

Viewing the scorpion’s stock portfolio is like visiting a gallery of bad decisions. Enron, Pets.com, the banks, AlpacaCorp… The scorpion got burned by them all.

Number of legs

Eight.

Characteristics

The scorpion is known for its intensity, determination, magnetism, and reliance on pseudoscience.

Fluorescence

When exposed to ultraviolet light, such as from a blacklight, the scorpion’s true face can be seen – that of a decaying Randall!

What if it fought a bear?

The scorpion can execute combos the bear never could.

Is it noble?

Yes.

Final rating

The scorpion is cool, but it’s trying a little too hard to be cool, you know? Plus it’s technically just a palette-swap of Sub-Zero. But hey, he’s cool too.

 

8/10

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2 thoughts on “Scorpion

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