Guys, the scorpion is insane. Just look at this thing:


Seriously, guys.

You may wonder from where such a creature could come. The answer is, of course, metal. An enterprising van artist and metal fan (named Randall) grew tired of his work being expressed mostly in the form of Ford Econolines. He hungered to create something that truly lived. And so the artist turned to mad science. The result was a hybrid of tarantula, lobster, and a wicked sweet venom-barbed tail. The original sketch also called for ram’s horns, bat wings, and an improbably large sword, but those proved unfeasible.

Special powers

Like the coolest BattleBots, the scorpion is brimming with weapons. There’s the claws up front, the venom-barbed tail in the back, and its launchable spear – which the scorpion loves to use in conjunction with its catchphrase “Get over here!”


Viewing the scorpion’s stock portfolio is like visiting a gallery of bad decisions. Enron,, the banks, AlpacaCorp… The scorpion got burned by them all.

Number of legs



The scorpion is known for its intensity, determination, magnetism, and reliance on pseudoscience.


When exposed to ultraviolet light, such as from a blacklight, the scorpion’s true face can be seen – that of a decaying Randall!

What if it fought a bear?

The scorpion can execute combos the bear never could.

Is it noble?


Final rating

The scorpion is cool, but it’s trying a little too hard to be cool, you know? Plus it’s technically just a palette-swap of Sub-Zero. But hey, he’s cool too.



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2 thoughts on “Scorpion

  1. […] mean, take a look at the scorpion and then tell me the monster-animal distinction is […]

  2. […] horseshoe crab is more closely related to the spider, scorpion and xenomorph than any true crab. Still it persists in making plays to establish itself as the crab […]

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