Gharial

Gharial

The gharial is a strange animal indeed. It is a crocodilian, but it does not have the tough guy demeanor of most such beasts. The gharial is an awkward, soft-spoken animal, uncomfortable in its own leathery skin.

Gharial

Pictured: The gharial pretending it didn't want to go to prom anyway.

Special powers

The gharial is a Level 63 Chaotic Good Paladin with a number of magic powers. It keeps its character sheet laminated to protect it in the waterways of India.

Weaknesses

The gharial’s slender snout greatly limits the size of things it can eat/fight. If you punch the male gharial in the bulbous protuberance on the end of its snout, it must tell you its secrets.

gharial

And boy does it look punchable.

Number of legs

Four.

Diet

The gharial subsists almost entirely on Filet-o-Fishes, Mountain Dew LiveWire, and, every few months, McRibs. How it stays so slim is anyone’s guess.

Imposters

A number of extremely popular animals have inspired tribute acts. The false gharial is an oddity, as the gharial itself is a rather obscure creature to start with. One might think it would have to be especially convincing to compensate for the original’s lack of cachet, but it’s not even that good. I mean, it knows the main A-sides, but good luck getting even a slightly deep cut out of it. It is, however, a licensed reverend.

What if it fought a bear?

The bear is only a Level 8 Ranger, so the gharial doesn’t have much to worry about.

Is it noble?

No.

Final rating

The gharial is the nerd of crocodiles. It always smells like McDonald’s. And honestly, the secrets you get from punching it aren’t that good.

 

4/10

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2 thoughts on “Gharial

  1. […] back from the exotic and obscure, we turn today to the domesticated and common. And what is more uninspiring a pet than the […]

  2. […] The caiman has a poor fashion sense, especially compared to its otherwise nerdy cousin the gharial. […]

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