It’s often said that the koala is a kind of bear. This is foolishness of the highest order.*


Does this look like a koala to you? Does it really?

Cutest koala

And this? Does this look like the first picture? Do you need glasses?

The koala is more accurately classified as a teddy bear, the creature that shares a name, but only a handful of characteristics with actual bears. Notable members of the teddy bear family include the panda, Fozzie, wombat, Snorlax, Ursa Minor and Pooh. Teddy bears have shorter snouts and teeth which are far less powerful.

The koala eats only eucalyptus, in sharp contrast to its proper bear relative, the drop bear, which is a savage beast and master of aerial strikes.

Special powers

The koala is a peaceful being, with little need for offensive capabilities. Because it is so slow and weak, it has developed an affinity for mystical glamors – spells which make the koala appear either invisible or as something it is not. Favorite glamors of the koala include disguising itself as a drop bear, parking sign or another, smaller tree growing on the eucalyptus tree. If you’ve ever seen a parking sign, you may have actually had an encounter with the koala.


Again, the koala is weak and slow. It also has a family history of diabetes.

Number of legs


Invulnerability to coughing

The koala, because of its eucalyptus diet, never coughs. Not even once.

What if it fought a bear?

The bear is not one to fall for cheap parlor tricks. No amount of witchcraft could protect the koala.

Is it noble?


Final rating

The koala keeps to himself. He is a good neighbor, quiet and unassuming. Doesn’t seem like the type to do anything wrong.





*Well, not the highest.

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2 thoughts on “Koala

  1. Daniel says:

    Err…. you do realise that there are no such things as drop bears right?

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