The clownfish is called the jester of the sea by absolutely no one. I don’t know how many clownfish standup or improv sets you’ve sat through, but I for one hope I never hear another uninspired riff on coral.


“You mean like a coral riff?”

Ugh. Do you see what I mean, people?

Special powers

The clownfish is known as the accountant of the sea, as each tax season, most sea-dwellers rely on its head for numbers. Even those who walk on the land recognize its proficiency, which is why to this day human accountants are certified as “Clownfish-level Professional Accountants,” or CPAs.

The clownfish also possesses an immunity to the stinging insults of the sea anemone.


Sense of humor! Boom!

Number of legs


Living arrangements

Because it is unmoved by the sea anemone’s barb-like wit, the clownfish is the only creature in the sea who can stand to be its roommate. The two of them share an actually quite spacious condominium.

Mating rituals

The clownfish was one of the first animals to embrace online dating. 7 out of 10 mating pairs form through the Internet. Because of sequential hermaphroditism, their profiles must be frequently overhauled.

Ignored minorities

Did you know the clownfish can be black?

Black clownfish

“I exist.”

The clownfish can be black.

Is it noble?


What if it fought a bear?

The bear would drown.

Final rating

The clownfish is lame. It’s a wet noodle.* But it is also quite smart, and knows how to pull off the dreamsicle look.


Work it, baby.





*Maybe it’s so wet because it lives underwater.

Tagged , , ,

One thought on “Clownfish

  1. […] sea anemone is the roommate of our old friend the clownfish. They like to think they make quite a wacky pairing, but their self-perceived zaniness far […]

Comments are closed.