Jaguarundi

Jaguarundi

There are many animals in the world which are called cats. About 45% of such animals do not wear sunglasses or leather jackets. The jaguarundi is within that 45%.

Jaguarundi

Sunglasses don’t fit well on a head this shape anyway.

The jaguarundi is the otter-cat, in that it is the illegitimate love-child of the otter and the cougar. It lives primarily in South America, but has also been known to make trips into the nation-state of Texas in search of its birth parents. None of these visits have been successful.

Special powers

Many cats hate water, but the jaguarundi’s mixed heritage allows it to swim for hours at a time without even getting pruney.

Weaknesses

The jaguarundi changes colors with its emotions, like a living mood ring. Because of this, it is terrible at poker and confidence games.

Color of fur               Mood

Red                           Content

Gray                          Despair

Blanched almond        Rage

Auburn                       Joy

Cadet blue                  Avarice

Bisque                        Hunger

Quartz                        Fear

Cinnamon                   Damp

Number of legs

Four.

Aliases

The otter-cat.

Activities

National Junior Honor Society, German Club, Cats for Peace (secretary), “Ringos” (campus improv comedy group).

What if it fought a bear?

It has fought a bear, and it just about lost an eye for its trouble.

Is it noble?

No.

Final rating

I like cats. I’m a big fan of otters. Putting them together unsettles me. But I’m sympathetic to its quest to find its true origins. And I like knowing what the jaguarundi is feeling at all times.

 

7.5/10

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3 thoughts on “Jaguarundi

  1. Awesome says:

    You stuff is extremely entertaining to read and I wouldl ove for you to reveiw an “Iguana”.

  2. nscranor says:

    Thanks! I’ll have to slide Iguana into the schedule.

  3. […] a jaguarundi. Now imagine something similar, but twice the size. What is this creature? It’s a […]

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