I did not expect to find myself here so soon.

The aardvark was an obvious choice for the first post of my animal-review site. Some would say “too obvious.” Some would say it is a classic choice. Some are mute and would communicate via sign language.

Regardless, I now find myself on just the second post of this blog entering into the world of the birds. Birds are distinguished by the ability to soar through the air, as I believe that man someday will through the assistance of machines. This means that the class boasts such members as robins, eagles, bats, penguins wearing jetpacks, great tits and Hawkman.


Isn’t nature beautiful?

This particular bird, the toucan, is notable as a connoisseur of breakfast and as the owner of a colorful bill. The latter characteristic is a very shallow metric by which to judge an animal, and I will do my best to ignore it.


An attention-seeker.

Instead, allow me to expound on the breakfast issue. It is well-known that most animals give little regard to breakfast, which is why so few of them succeed in standardized testing or sporting events. The toucan, however, knows well the benefits of breakfast and seeks out only the finest fruits and cereals for itself every morning. This is why Kellogg’s brand Froot Loops chose the toucan as its mascot. Ironically, Froot Loops would never be deemed suitable for a true toucan breakfast.

(Since his introduction, Toucan Sam – named after famous fictional smell-investigator Sam Spade – has been shown to have a number of young nephews, in the pattern of perennial bachelors Donald Duck, Scrooge McDuck and Scooby-Doo. Whose children are these? Where are the parents? Why do they spend so much time with their uncles? I will further investigate the issue in my Duck post.)

Special powers

Like every animal with a large nose or visual equivalent, the toucan has a strong sense of smell. It has also mastered flight and extended-family relations. The toucan can, in times of desperation, drop heavy fruits from above its enemies to crush them. Fortunately for the people of Central and South America, the toucan’s love of fruit far outpaces its capacity for hate.

Also, its bill is beautiful.


The toucan’s love of fruit far outpaces its capacity for hate.

Number of legs

Two, plus two wings.

Situational awareness

The toucan has extremely good situational awareness. United States armed forces briefly contemplated using the toucan as a spotter for its snipers in World War II. Ultimately the project was scrapped, but post-war Nazi-hunters have been known to enlist the toucan’s aid since so much Nazi-hunting takes place in South America where the toucan is plentiful and the fruit comes easy.

What if it fought a bear?

The toucan would only fight against a bear if the bear had really pushed it to the edge emotionally. As bears are not known for psychological warfare, the toucan does not stand a chance

Is it noble?


Final rating

I am not a bird apologist, and I am suspicious of Toucan Sam’s surplus of nephews. But dang that is a beautiful bill.



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2 thoughts on “Toucan

  1. […] lot of elves and songwriters will tell you that the reindeer can fly (which, as we know, would make them birds). This is a widely spread misconception. It would not be the first falsity elves and songwriters […]

  2. […] colors are pretty and all, but it conveniently got the idea after meeting the toucan. I’m not saying it’s definitely a copycat, but it’s very likely a copybird. And […]

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