The leaf-rolling weevil isn’t the only creative mind in the weevil family. While it writes for television and rolls leaves, the boll weevil specializes in ghostwriting lyrics for popular musicians and eating cotton.
It’s real good at eating cotton.
There’s also the songwriting thing. It has contributed lines to many famous artists.
“I watch Thundercats and think of you.
Think of you
Think of you
‘Cause you look like Cheetarah an’ you cheat wit’ Ira.
I see you driving in that Buick Lucerne.
You’re too good for a car with only a three-power-circle J.D. Power rating, girl.
I hope you know it.”
Well we JUMped uUP O-ver the moOOn. And cauught our owwn tAIl.
And kept it in a CAUFfin. Of our OWN de-SIGN.
BUT ALL THESE JUNKYARD DOGS ARE SINKIN
A GREAT BIG CRAB STOLE ALL OUR JOB
WELLLLLL WE NEVER MET THE PEEEOPLE THAT WE WERE
IF YOU’RE CALLIN’ THAT A TROPHY THEN I’LL EAT A SACK OF SHIT
The Hold Steady:
“She used to party on drugs that she bought from Jimmy and Shakey.
She got drunk and passed out; now everything’s aching.
Some townies came by in an ATV and offered ‘em rides.
Jim said you can almost see heaven if you turn on the brights.”
“Real Gs move in silence like lasagna.”
(The Gs refer to “Garfields.” This was a subtle jab at Tiny Wayne, a rapper looking to usurp Lil’, whose favorite comic character is Nermal. Tiny Wayne quickly passed out of public consciousness as people could only barely hear his wee little voice.)
(The boll weevil collaborated with Jimmy Buffett on the songs “Two Sandals and a Guitar,” “Pineapples on Mosquito Gulf,” “Beach Bumming,” “Heart of a Pirate, Soul of a Poet,” “Sunshine Soup,” “The Captain’s Daiquiri,” “Papaya in San Juan,” “I Wanna Dance With The Equator,” “Put A Lime In It,” and “Boat Drinks.”)
Pesticide and patricide.
Number of legs
Circumstances of birth
The boll weevil is born inside a cottonball and eats its way out, just like that dream I had.
Does it have a monument named after it?
Related sports teams
The University of Arkansas at Monticello plays sports under the name of the boll weevil, and aren’t you jealous?
What if it fought a bear?
Little known fact, the bear is made of a kind of strong cotton and the boll weevil will tear that thing up.
Is it noble?
The boll weevil has accomplished a lot for a little bug. It’s actually kind of too bad its son will kill it.
“Noooo,” Tiny Wayne is often heard to say as he opens the newspaper, “not Abu Dhabi again. You deserve a thousand Mondays, you cruel beast.”